Tickle IQ Test

I took the online tickle IQ test and was amused by the result. They named me Inventive Inquisitor. It said "I have the unusual distinction of being equally good at math and verbal skills. This means, I am a creative thinker and uniquely good at teaching others through experiences. I am also a great improviser and very good at handling change. "

Somehow, I cannot agree with the first sentence. I know I am a bit good with verbal skills but not so with math. I'm way too scared for math. That's basically the reason why I did not take commerce or engineering during college because I hated solving numeric problems and the like. Algebra made me mad and Physics scared me. Anyways, I act as if I know what to do but in all honesty, I'm dumb when it comes to numbers. I may be able to solve them but it will take me twice as much time compared to the rest of my peers. Quite ironic because I am now working in retail handling Cash Operations, which means I deal with numbers every day, with monetary value I might add.

The second sentence is nearly true. I am a creative thinker but they're just there, up in my thoughts and could not find an outlet for expression . I normally do express such creativity when I listen to music or when I am so bored I change furniture arrangements in my room and even in the workplace. The "teaching others through experience" part is also true. I do not really like teaching in a spoon fed manner. I rather have them learn as they go and go through a trial and error phase where others can relate and learn from their mistakes. It is much more fulfilling that way because they tend to value the experience more as compared to being taught in a technical manner where there are no room for mistake and a very limited space for additional learnings.

The last sentence stunned me a bit. Up until today I have not realized that I have been through a lot of changes. To be more specific, a lot of changes within a single year and thinking of it now, I can definitely say I have handled it well. It may have not been perfect and blissful but I learned and grow in those days. Changes in my personal life and in the work place. It's not so bad. It's just a matter of tweaking things a bit so that we can function better as compared to what we were used to. After all, it's the constant thing in life!

TOP 10 MOVIES OF 2008

I was surfing the web and found the list for the top 10 must see movies for 2008. My aim is to watch every film since I average going to movies once a week. (costly isn't it?) Anyway, here's the list:

1. Iron Man
2. The Dark Knight
3. Indiana Jones 4
4. Speed Racer
5. Get Smart
6. Incredible Hulk
7. Narnia : Prince Caspian
8. Wall- E
9. Cloverfield
10. Star Trek XI

I'm not sure with Star Trek though, I'm not a big fan of it.

I woke up this morning still feeling tired. I think I need to replace my pillow since I have not been getting a good night's sleep for almost a week now. I went to bed last night bothered by something that came to mind when I received an SMS from a friend. Although there is not much to it but the paranoia in me keeps hounding me to draw conclusions that have not even materialized yet. Anyway, I want to forget it and ignore the "tragic" possibilities that I have imagined last night.

I'm thinking of reporting late for work today. I am a bit tired and my neck is still stiff. I'm just tired to go work and I want to take a vacation leave. But as it is, the situation at the workplace is sad. We're short of people and we're maximizing manpower a bit more than the usual. I have to plan my leaves at least a month ahead. But it's not like I know when I want to take my leave a month before. *sigh*

Cold Wednesday

I was supposed to meet a friend today but it was canceled due to rainfall and he's got trouble getting here on time. This is my only day off during the week and I guess it's not bad staying home this time since I spend 90 % of my time at work. I'm a bit bored. My cellphone has been silent since lunch time. I think people are too tired to send text messages today.

Relationships

My day started out early when I went to report for work at 6:30 this morning. I had a very nice plan laid out for the day. I imagined it to be very productive since I had lots of free time before crunch time, only to be disappointed later in the day to know that I have delayed work load again!
The mad dash at the retail store where I work was not expected, (well, forgive me for my indifference but I did not thought ahead of time.) I did not realize not until during the last minute that the end of the Ramadan was today. I could think of a lot of reasons and alibis for not doing what I should have done but my mind was preoccupied. And in the field where I am now, something like this is unforgivable.

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How does things fall into place? Who decides what happens in the next minute? the next day? next week? next year?
ME? I've been sitting alone earlier this evening only to realize that we think of ideals too much that we tend to neglect what is real. Sometimes when we notice other people's wrongs we tend to become radical and pass judgment without fail. We slowly dissect the person and do our own psychoanalysis on their situations. But if we take a moment to think of whatever it was we were about to say, we will realize that we see parts of ourselves and we become defensive especially when they mirror our own emotions and situations.
Relationships can become hard work and a life long commitment. We get what we give. But how come sometimes we still feel it's unfair ? Why do we feel neglected? Perhaps, taken for granted? Indeed, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. We are two separate worlds and there are only certain aspects where we connect. And truthfully, we disagree 90% of the time. Given that love is one of the greatest mysteries in life, we still take the risk and experience it. No one can define it or even slightly describe it. It is such a big word. It can move mountains, cross seas and can even walk a thousand miles. It can also leave you blind, hurt and broken.
I've had a few relationships. My experience may not be enough basis for any conclusion I may have regarding it but I still have hope for a happy ending. Speaking of ideals, all fairy tales seem to end with "...happily ever after." Why have no one thought of adding what happened after they got married and lived together? The prospect of having kids was not even thought of... maybe that's why it's called a tale. It only made us more idealistic and made us expect for all things to be nice & good.
Wouldn't it become surreal then?

24

That's the most number of hours I have rendered at work at one time. We had our annual inventory last night and it really drained me. It was awkward to lie down on three chairs lined up together to somehow resemble a flat elevated surface so I can rest my back and close my eyes for a while. I already expected a crazy morning considering that I was all alone handling things at our department. I tried to keep my eyes open while trying not to make errors during a cash count and while declaring accountabilities and remittances.

I was craving for coffee at 6:00 am, only to have it past 10:00 am. There was no hot water available and I was too tired to walk outside to buy coffee, at least I had saved P80 for waiting. But damn, it was bad waiting for that coffee.

I kept looking at the wall clock. I was doing a countdown till 12 nn which means I can leave for home and have my much needed rest. Actually when I got home, I was not able to do so cause I had company with me, but it was good.

Anyway, I have one more full day to spend tomorrow since it's my one day off.

Point of No Return

Have I reached the point of no return where I can't take anything back? There are two possible scenarios here. Either I wallow in my pains, blame myself and secretly wish to have another chance to take back all the bad things that have happened OR take responsibility for all that has happened, move on and get a life.

When has sorry never been enough? I have always believed that we should never reach the point where we want to give up because we got tired of fighting for something. If we truly want it there should never come a time that we'll say that "we've had enough". I really don't know where to start. Everything happened so fast, I can barely remember everything. I was so much of a control freak that I forgot that people around me has their own way of expressing things that are totally different from mine. Burger has been telling me several times already that I have a tendency to go nuts in just a snap of a finger. He gets confused and doesn't know how to handle me and the situation that I have created. Most of the time, I talk in riddles and some times, I do not talk at all. I prefer to remain silent if I know that I will only be speaking non sense and end up saying things I will regret seconds after I mutter them.

For whatever its worth, I'm sorry. Sorry for the things I have and have not said. Sorry for the way I acted and sorry for giving a lame excuse for my behavior. You may not believe this but each time I remember behaving this way, I dread the aftermath. I know what's in it for me and even how hard I try I will still end up with nothing but my poor self.

Open your heart and try to understand. This is my prayer.

September 10 : Manic Wet Monday

I was still recovering from a bad night, trying to figure out what went wrong when I was met by a news that queues have already formed in the check out terminals where I work..(I work in retail). I figured everyone decided to shop on a Monday since the shop was not bearable the day before due to a scheduled power interruption. Ironically, the grocery store where I work is so cold during normal days and toooo warm during black outs. We have established that reputation already.

As expected, during rainy days our office usually gets a little wet and wild. The draining pipes from the rooftop does not work well and the water usually ends up in our little office space. Last night was really bad, it was my first time to see the whole of Limketkai Ave. with strong currents of water occupying the whole area.. It was like we had a river beside the mall. The water was going too fast, the kids playing in it could hardly walk and ends up sprawling. I was so mad for being so unprepared for unexpected events such as last night. I was so helpless I called my father to come pick me up. I looked like a little kitten sitting on the ground by the car park waiting for a miracle to happen.

Going to work today was hot and dusty. The remains of the flood last night was all dried up in the highway and cleaning up the area was on everyone's top priority. But guess what, at around 3 pm the skies turned dark once again and started raining cats & dogs. And on goes the same thing, with me still unprepared. I guess I never learn.

Standstill

I've been off the past couple of days. Nothing seems to go right with my relationships. I am beginning to feel insecure with the idea that I may never be able to find real happiness at this time. All along I thought everything was okay but it hit me right in my face when I realized where everything is headed. I am now at a standstill waiting for whatever it is that is coming my way. It resembles the calm before a storm. I do not know how I will be able to handle everything at once but this time, I have to compromise and decide which I value more. I thought I already grew up, but I guess I have not. I have a lot to learn and I have a lot to see. I get so emotional too much that I always think of things even before they happen.
Relationships really takes hard work. Ideally, there should be no effort in making someone feel loved because it is supposed to be unconditional. When true, it surpasses all reason and leads you to perfect bliss. I have read hundreds of romance novels, all telling one thing, it is that true love does exist. But how to find yours is the biggest challenge. All of us have experienced, at one time or another, that we felt we have found the ONE but as time goes on we question ourselves if WE ever did find it. Once we start asking, we also start looking around us searching for answers or reasons that may pass as a scapegoat for whatever it is that we want to get away with. We are blinded by our ideals that we tend to expect more from others when in fact, expectations leads to disappointments.

I'm writing all this because I need to. I cannot express as much when I speak and yet I've been wanting to. I guess I'll never get the chance.
I will fight for this one, even though I know it will hurt like hell. But at least I can still get up, nurse my wounds and say that it was worth it. After all, loving is unconditional. I love too much. If this was punishable by law, I would have been sentenced for Life.

Wednesday, July 11th

My day didn't start out right when I burned the milk fish I was cooking for breakfast and ended up not eating at all. I had breakfast at work and got so pissed when I came in a minute late. I guess I did not have enough sleep last night since I dozed off between Liceo University and UCCP Church on my way to work.
I tried not to think about my mishap and concentrated on the job at hand. I got all my pending papers done today and will concentrate on another report tomorrow. I also had fun during my lunch break when Jane and me went to our sister BU to look for a certain shade of eyeshadow. Instead, we had a free lesson on how to apply make up, and had a little bit of make over to top it. I have to admit, I looked way better when it was done. Cosmetics used will total up 5,000 pesos more or less.. Just way over my budget! Vanity sucks.. but it still nags each and everyone of us.

Z z z z z Z z z...

Today was a sample of what the next two months will be like for me in the workplace. I stayed for 13 hours at the job and still felt unsatisfied with my work before I left for home. I still had pending papers & reports waiting to be filled and submitted. It is not usually like this but this is inevitable. Two of my colleagues are on maternity leave or on leave for maternity related issues. I had neck & back pains, and my fuse was so short, I blow off at just about the slightest mistake I notice. I feel sorry for my subordinates as they bear my grouchy state and will have to bear the same for the next couple of months. I don't really complain with the workload, in fact I am up to facing the challenge of making things happen. I'm just trifle worried of the consequences of these long hours and constant pressure to me and my life.
I'm seeing more episodes of staring into blank space, more scolding for my subordinates and more grunts for me in return. I feel that I may lose the human touch in leading the team. I may become so technical that I will lose heart and in turn make everything around me seem lifeless and dry. I have always been the kind to mingle and interact but recently I have been keeping my distance, for obvious reasons that I may have a hard time in identifying where the thin line is.

The bottom line is, I got tired today. But not so freaking tired since I am still awake and able to write this. But still, tired.
I'm dozing off now.. nyt!

Sunday : June 24, 2007 (Blue Sunday)

I woke up late this morning and intentionally did not go to church with my family to get another hour of sleep. As my way of apologizing and redeeming my bad behavior, I cleaned the house and cooked rice...hehe! Anyway, I feel terribly sad today. I cannot identify why I'm particularly feeling down, this may be because the rainy season is here and cold lonely nights are here once again.
I went to work today with no plans in mind. Except for my usual routine which has become so monotonous, I finished all my tasks today with a full hour ahead of schedule. I was able to do more things but I still felt sad.

(I've been planning on taking a vacation. At least a couple of days away from work. I hope to relax and just be carefree for at least two to three days. But the two days seems to be so far away. I am running out of time because if I cannot take this two days off, I may not be able to take some time off for the next two months! Two of my friends are giving birth with only one month apart from each other. Btw, my friends are very productive. Many are expecting and a couple more will be giving birth late this year and some early next year. Everyone was suddenly excited in this new phase in their lives and are too eager to take part in the greatest miracle called life. )

It's 11:55 pm and Sunday is almost over. I guess I'll doze off and dream of something nice.

June 21 & 22: Restless Nights

It was raining hard when I went home today. It was difficult to find a ride home so I chose to take a cab instead and decided to cut on my expenses some other day. I would have been scared if I was the one behind the wheel, the roads were barely visible and traffic was bad. Everyone wanted to go home at the same time. I finally arrived home and got myself only a little wet during my short walk from the cab to our gate. I was tired and a bit hungry. I settled for the Slers Chicharon my mother brought home and went to sleep after a couple of hours.
Sometime around early dawn, I found myself waking up twice because I was feeling sick. It seemed like I was drunk and wanted to be sick to relieve myself. I tossed and turned and decided to get back to sleep and finally woke up around 8 am.
I took my time preparing for work since it won't be busy today. Although, it's Friday, I guess people got tired of grocery shopping and decided to do it some other day. (I work in retail by the way). I went to home with rainy skies once again but a bit tolerable than last night. Still, a cold & restless night.