Point of No Return

Have I reached the point of no return where I can't take anything back? There are two possible scenarios here. Either I wallow in my pains, blame myself and secretly wish to have another chance to take back all the bad things that have happened OR take responsibility for all that has happened, move on and get a life.

When has sorry never been enough? I have always believed that we should never reach the point where we want to give up because we got tired of fighting for something. If we truly want it there should never come a time that we'll say that "we've had enough". I really don't know where to start. Everything happened so fast, I can barely remember everything. I was so much of a control freak that I forgot that people around me has their own way of expressing things that are totally different from mine. Burger has been telling me several times already that I have a tendency to go nuts in just a snap of a finger. He gets confused and doesn't know how to handle me and the situation that I have created. Most of the time, I talk in riddles and some times, I do not talk at all. I prefer to remain silent if I know that I will only be speaking non sense and end up saying things I will regret seconds after I mutter them.

For whatever its worth, I'm sorry. Sorry for the things I have and have not said. Sorry for the way I acted and sorry for giving a lame excuse for my behavior. You may not believe this but each time I remember behaving this way, I dread the aftermath. I know what's in it for me and even how hard I try I will still end up with nothing but my poor self.

Open your heart and try to understand. This is my prayer.

September 10 : Manic Wet Monday

I was still recovering from a bad night, trying to figure out what went wrong when I was met by a news that queues have already formed in the check out terminals where I work..(I work in retail). I figured everyone decided to shop on a Monday since the shop was not bearable the day before due to a scheduled power interruption. Ironically, the grocery store where I work is so cold during normal days and toooo warm during black outs. We have established that reputation already.

As expected, during rainy days our office usually gets a little wet and wild. The draining pipes from the rooftop does not work well and the water usually ends up in our little office space. Last night was really bad, it was my first time to see the whole of Limketkai Ave. with strong currents of water occupying the whole area.. It was like we had a river beside the mall. The water was going too fast, the kids playing in it could hardly walk and ends up sprawling. I was so mad for being so unprepared for unexpected events such as last night. I was so helpless I called my father to come pick me up. I looked like a little kitten sitting on the ground by the car park waiting for a miracle to happen.

Going to work today was hot and dusty. The remains of the flood last night was all dried up in the highway and cleaning up the area was on everyone's top priority. But guess what, at around 3 pm the skies turned dark once again and started raining cats & dogs. And on goes the same thing, with me still unprepared. I guess I never learn.